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    Fahmida Azim for NPR When year-old Nermeen Ileiwat first began college, she could not wait to get into a relationship — maybe even get engaged before graduation. But after one year, the rising sophomore realized she had no idea what she wanted out of life and was in no position to get into a relationship.

    That decision didn't last long. Only a few months after, Ileiwat met someone at a party, and their friendship quickly turned into something more. However, dating was not that simple for the now year-olds who are Muslim. They have religious restrictions that limit physical contact in premarital relationships. They chose to focus more on developing their emotional intimacy, with the occasional hug or kiss.

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    Out of respect for their religious beliefs, Ileiwat and her boyfriend decided not to engage in any advanced sexual activity until they're married.

    For young couples like them, the idea of dating is common, and it means balancing their religious views with their desire for emotional intimacy.

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    But the term "dating" still invites an offensive suggestion for many Muslims, especially older ones, irrespective of how innocent the relationship may be. Dating is still linked to its Western origins, which implies underlying expectations of sexual interactions — if not an outright premarital sexual relationship — which Islamic texts prohibit. But Islam does not forbid love. Ismail Menk, a renowned Islamic scholar, argues in one of his lectures that love, within boundaries and with expectations of marriage, is an accepted fact of life and religion — if done the right way.

    This "right way," he says, is by involving the families from an early stage. Before the rise of a Western cultural influence, finding a spouse was a task almost solely assigned to parents or relatives. But young Muslims have now taken it upon themselves to find their partners, relying on their own version of dating to do so.

    Older Muslims continue to reject dating because they worry that a Western world will also create Western expectations of premarital sex in these relationships. So the way that we label events or phenomena, such as dating, is definitely going to provide a certain perspective on what that means for us," he says. Therefore, taking on the dating vernacular to describe their relationship and labeling their significant other as "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" does put some couples at risk of falling into the physical expectations that come with dating, Hodges says.

    But, he adds, these fears can be allayed because "the most important connotation that is borrowed is the ability to choose your own mate," which is also the main precept of dating in the West. One way that some young Muslim couples are rebutting the idea of dating being offensive is by terming it "halal dating.

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    By adding the permissibility factor, some young couples argue, they are removing the idea that anything haram, or prohibited, such as premarital sex, is happening in the relationship. On the other hand, some young couples believe there should be no stigma attached to dating and, therefore, reject the idea of calling it halal.

    Khalil Jessa, founder of Salaam Swipe, a dating app that caters to young Muslims, also believes that the negative associations attached to dating depend on the particular society.

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    When they take the word dating, they're adding this connotation to it, and I don't think that's necessarily the case. It's up to each individual and each couple to choose how they wish to interact with one another," Jessa argues.

    Getting to know someone and making the informed decision to marry them is not an alien concept in Islamic societies. Abdullah Al-Arian, a history professor at Georgetown University School of Foreign Service in Qatar, says that the idea of courtship has been present in Muslim societies for centuries but was subdued in colonial times. When the British and the rest of Europe colonized much of the world, they also placed social restrictions on sexual interactions between unmarried couples, Arian says.

    These social restrictions also took hold in certain Islamic societies, with religious restrictions on sex leading some to go as far as segregating the genders as much as possible, including in schools, universities and even at social gatherings.

    These practices began to disintegrate as women started entering the workforce, demanding their rights for universal education and pursuing higher education, Arian says. Segregating because of religious dogma became harder. And so, as the genders mixed, dating relationships also took root in some societies. This, he says, further facilitated the imitation of Western relationships.


    Changing ideas about modernity, widespread urbanization and the West's cultural hegemony influenced something as intimate and personal as relationships, Arian says. But the most influential factor is globalization. These "shared experiences," as he calls them, have given birth to third-culture kids.

    These multicultural generations are growing up with a "very different moral compass that is rooted in a number of influences; and not just the local, but the global as well," Arian says. Before social media and the prevalence of pop culture, it was a lot easier to enforce whatever ideologies you wanted your child to follow.

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    But as globalization increased, this changed. Young people became increasingly exposed to the rest of the world. Today, their ideologies and values no longer find a basis in what their priest or imam preaches but in what social media and pop culture influencers might be saying and doing.

    Then there's the limitless online world. Dating apps and websites that cater to young Muslims looking for meaningful long-term relationships are easy to find.

    Muzmatch, a dating app launched two years ago, haspeople signed up. Other apps, like Salaam Swipe and Minder, report high success rates for young Muslims who previously had a hard time finding a partner. Startups Cater To Muslim Millennials With Dating Apps And Vegan Halal Soap These apps allow people to filter their searches based on level of religiosity, the kind of relationship they're looking for and other aspects such as whether the woman wears a headscarf and the man sports a beard.

    While the men behind these apps launched them with the hope of giving young Muslims a positive platform to interact on, they say there are still many in their societies that oppose the idea of young couples interacting. Haroon Mokhtarzada, founder of Minder, says that a lot of this disapproval stems more from the fear of people in their communities gossiping than it does from the actual interaction the couples have. So I don't think it's the parents who are worried for themselves because they don't want their daughter talking to a guy or whatever, as much as it's them worrying about their family name and people talking and becoming part of a gossip mill," he says.

    To combat this, Shahzad Younas, founder of Muzmatch, incorporated various privacy settings within the app, allowing people to hide their pictures until the match gets more serious and even allowing a guardian to have access to the chat to ensure it remains halal.

    But no app setting can stop the gossip mill. Like many Muslim women, Ileiwat has chosen not to wear the hijab, but that has not saved her from glares and stares if she's out in public with her boyfriend.

    Because of the prohibition on premarital sex, older Muslims often frown upon any visible interaction between unmarried young people, no matter how innocent.

    This can sometimes lead to assumptions that two individuals of the opposite sex who are just hanging out have an inappropriate premarital relationship. Which is ridiculous, but it makes for a juicy story," Ileiwat says, adding that even some of her younger married friends are subject to the gossip mill.

    But the fear of gossip and the older generation's fear of sexual relations between young men and women have made the concept of dating more intriguing for younger Muslims. Using the word dating to describe relationships has resulted in a schism between older and younger generations.

    Hodges says children pick up the popular vernacular from peers, leading to a barrier between what children say and how parents understand it. Because of this miscommunication, many couples instead use words like "togetherness" and "an understanding" as synonyms when talking to their parents about their relationships. Hodges refers to this gap as "that ocean between England and America," where words might be the same, but the way they are perceived is vastly different.

    Mia, a year-old Ethiopian-American college student who has shied away from having sex with her boyfriend of almost a year, can attest to this. I like to use the word 'talking' or 'getting to know. But words, especially those borrowed from other places, soon take on the cultural contexts in which they are used.

    Physical relations are simply a choice," says Taimur Ali, a senior at Georgetown University's Qatar campus. The current generation "really wants to have the [dating] experience without having the full extent of the experience," Arian says. But perhaps, he suggests, young Muslims need to develop something for themselves that is "more rooted in our own moral sensibilities.
    Searching for online profiles is easy on the site, which has search filters by age, religious sect, and location.

    Helahel lets all members contact each other for free — no need to put in any credit card information.


    Safe and welcoming, this site inspires many lifelong marriages between people committed to traditional Islamic values. To find a spouse within your faith, try out IslamicMarriage. Your personalized News Feed delivers updates about new profiles to catch your eye.

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    In your Activity Panel you can see members who have viewed your profile and marked it as a favorite. If you like what you see, you can become a Platinum member to begin messaging safely on the web. Safe and confidential, MuslimandSingle. This free Islamic and Muslim matrimonial service website offers free browsing through active profiles of singles online.

    Thousands of profiles await you, and more people from all over the world sign up to the Muslim dating service every day. Members can also join the conversation in BestMuslim. What sets them apart from other dating websites for Muslims is their extensive list of more than questions. SalaamLove makes matches using answers given to their in-depth personality questions. On GayMuslimDating, single men seek acceptance and understanding online.

    This gay Muslim dating site allows men from all walks of life to find a match for casual dating or a committed relationship. To get flirting with people of your same background and beliefs, the following website is a fantastic starting point.

    LoveHabibi welcomes a diverse culture of singles in their ever-expanding network. You can then fill in more details about yourself and upload a photo to make your profile stand out. Top Muslim Site for Divorcees 10 It may be hard, but life does go on after a divorce. For Muslim divorcees looking to get back out there, this is a welcoming place.

    For Muslim singles starting over, Muslima provides a fresh start with easy-to-use features. Founded in as part of the Cupid Media network, Muslima has online tools that cater to Muslim singles. Hopefully, our top 10 Muslim dating websites can guide you to a long and fulfilling relationship. We wish you peace and happiness in your journey.

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