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    The One and Only With true grit and by sheer necessity, single moms have figured out a few things partnered moms can learn from.

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    By Lori Gottlieb posted Mar 25th, at 1: Before you start the pity party, read how we enterprising solo moms make it work—and maybe get a helpful tip or two in the bargain. How would she get the kids off to school and arrive at work on time, showered, sane and stain-free? How would she juggle a PowerPoint presentation two days away with dinner prep, homework, bathtime and bedtime, not to mention the newly discovered leaky roof, all falling on her?

    In a Darwinian sense, we have adapted to our environment and have evolved—by freakish fate—into a stronger species. The home I share with my 7-year-old son, Zachary, is hardly a tableau of organized perfection. Which brings me to the most important word in my playbook: I mean outsource to your kid. Single moms need a team member at home, which is why they quickly learn how capable their children are. My married friend Wendy once told me she wanted her kids to enjoy her in the little time she has with them.

    So when they balk at doing choresshe caves—and then seethes. They have plenty of friends on Facebook. We want stuff done and chalk up these chores to teaching life skills—and creating great catches for their future spouses. Plus, having them help out gives everyone more fun-time later.

    Beds can be made in the morning tossing the quilt on top counts! Dishes can be cleared at night hint: Laundry can be sorted into colors and whites an educational experience!

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    I discovered that last one the hard way. Also, I graduated from kindergarten three decades ago.

    Technology News, Analysis, Comments and Product Reviews for IT Professionals ZDNet

    But the takeaway was that I got very comfortable doing less. Just as working moms might compare themselves to stay-at-home moms and feel guilty for the store-bought cupcakes and missed classroom volunteer days, I realized that as a single mom I was comparing myself to married moms and feeling guilty for being a mere mortal who could not morph herself into two distinct people.

    After the Homework Incident, I was way more inclined to let go of what I could and cultivate a village for the rest. She recalls dragging her then-toddler daughter, stroller and work gear up and down the steps of the New York City subway, refusing help when it was offered, until she realized that community is there for a reason: Dominica Myers, an executive assistant in Seattle, uses the same networking strategy with reliable teenagers in her neighborhood who can watch her son, Jack, 6, in the event of an impromptu work commitment.

    Mikki came up with a great solution after struggling to juggle work life. He knows that Tuesdays I work late, so he gets his favorite babysitter along with his favorite hot dogs. Andra Brosh, PhD, a psychologist in Los Angeles, agrees that when kids of working moms know the drill—either with predictable routines or by having specific responsibilities—everyone wins. With her busy teenagers, the divorced mom says, she avoids calendar chaos by not only synchronizing their appointments with hers but also making them responsible for remembering their own commitments.

    This way, fewer things fall through the cracks for her, and it allows her kids to practice being independent while learning from their inevitable mistakes. Never again will I make a 2 a. Tylenol run with a toddler running a degree fever in the back seat; my medicine cabinet has been well stocked ever since. But as I told Carolyn and the group at work that day, the best advice I can give is to do whatever works for you and not worry what other people think about it.

    Rabiah, for instance, says there are days she plants her son in front of his Xbox so she can catch up on magazines.

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    This is why a crock-pot comes in very handy! In fact, when her husband got back from his trip, he was in for a pleasant surprise. She was thrilled not to deal with traffic, reservations, blow-drying her hair and finding a cute outfit, all of which allowed her to truly relax and spend uninterrupted quality time with her husband, her favorite yoga pants and a lovely glass of wine.

    Lessons from Single Moms 1. Broaden your idea of "right" and "wrong. Your family eats late? Great, you have family dinner. Your kid brings takeout for multicultural week? Doing what works for your family takes the pressure off and makes everyone—parents and kids—happiest. Or heavensyou might even date. Instead of feeling guilty for taking the easy way out, realize how brilliant you are!

    Have lots of rituals. Pizza night, movie night, babysitter night. Let things go wrong, and enjoy telling that story for years to come. Lori Gottlieb is a relationship and family therapist as well as a writer.

    Good Enough, and articles for many national publications. She lives in Los Angeles with her son.

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